better than regrets

There’s so many things I want to say when I’m around you but I stay quiet. There’s a million things I want to do but I stay in place. There’s a million things I feel but I suppress all of them. I know I keep asking you to come hang out with me, I know I do this, but I can’t think of any other person I would rather spend time with. I go to sleep thinking of you and when I wake up, you’re the first face on my mind. You say you’re not sure how to react to my advances but when we kiss I always feel you smiling. It’s not fair that you get to tell me you think I’m sweet and you think I’m amazing. I know I am! I do know I’m sweet and amazing because I have sweet and amazing friends and family, my sister, Seth and especially you are all of what makes me amazing and sweet. I just wish you would like me because of it and not in spite of it. I don’t hate you. Not at all. I made a promise to myself when I got out of my last relationship that if I ever started to fall for someone new again, I would tell them. That I would rather look back 5-10 years from now and say “Lance, you really fucked it up with C, but at least you told her, at least it’s not 5-10 years later and you’re still sitting here wondering if you would have said or done anything, would things be different now? At least you weren’t afraid to make a mistake.” For what it’s worth, I’m not sure if you told me all the things about yourself that make you uncomfortable, like your confidence or this or that part of your body, but you won me over before any of those things. I forget what it used to be like to lose sleep over someone you can’t get off of your mind. You’re different then other girls. You already had me. But the way I feel for you isn’t just some switch I can turn off. Seth asked me to describe the way I felt about you and the best way I could do that is that you’re this big light in the middle of the room. And it doesn’t matter how hard you close your eyes or what you use to cover your face, there’s always, always a little bit of light that gets in. That’s what it’s like being near you, the closeness of your body is directly related to how fast my heart beats and I wish you could feel that, for just a tiny micro, millisecond and then you might know… Don’t let me give up this fight. Please, don’t.