you are my only exception
(Please note; for historic purposes this was written back in October, it is just now being posted. It has sat in my postings as a draft.)
This is the sixth time I’ve tried to write this and each time I thought I could find the perfect words and sentences to make this sound more eloquent, each time I wondered if saying more or less could change the way you feel in the end, each time wondering if I should even do this.
As I lay my pen to this paper, I know I’ll reread this a thousand times. I know I’m going to come back to try make it mean something more than sloppy words on blank parchment. I know I’m not sure how I should really start saying what I want to say, so I’m just going to write it.
From the very first moment I met you, you’ve had me completely and utterly by my heart-strings. I’ve been trying for the last six months to become closer to you without scaring you off, pushing you away or coming on too strong. Every time I’m told to give up or any time I start to believe it just won’t happen, I think back to the very first moment I laid eyes on you. All I could remember was that it was hot, dark and sweaty at the Rockhouse and then I saw you; and in that moment you shined so bright, you put the sun to shame. You know that feeling you get when you walk out of a dark movie theater into the still setting sun and in that moment your eyes squint? That’s what it was like seeing you for the first time. I knew then and there, I wanted to know all about you, and so I started, slowly. The more I learned about you the more I wanted to know, the more I knew about you the more I wanted to learn about you, and as I did, it became this cycle of watching parts of me falling for you, one at a time. I’m constantly catching myself thinking about how you told me you don’t like your teeth and you wish you could change them, but I love seeing you smile. Or about how Khris will imitate your voice to make fun of you, but I love to hear about your day. Or how I’m not the funniest guy in the room, but I love to hear you laugh. I’m not here saying typing this all out because I think it would actually convince you to date me or even because I believe, even in the smallest, you feel the same way. I’m typing all of this because you’re a straight-up, awesome girl. You’re cooler than sharks with lasers and dragons that breathe fire. You’re pretty damn rad. Because you have your head on straight but when it comes down to it, you know when to have fun, chill out and be serious. Because you’re simple, but not simple in an ignorant, plain and boring way, simple in an elegant and beautiful way; not showy, flashy or gaudy. Because of your demure yet dulcet personality. But I think mostly it’s because when you’re able to make someone feel the way you make me feel, you deserve to know that. I wish, even for just a fleeting moment, you could see yourself the way I see you. Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my hands will speak my heart.
So there…
I’ve said it.
